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EXCELLENT TASTE. UNUSUAL CLOTHES.CHEF-OWNED. CHEF-OPERATED. CHEF-INTERRUPTED.
SNACKHOLE®THE GOOD STUFF
MENU +
ACTUAL FOOD. UNNECESSARY COMMENTARY.

YES, HE
CAN COOK.

Something useful has escaped into the website.
Please remain calm and get a pan.

TECHNIQUE:
SOUND.
CHEF:
LOUD.
20 MIN / 1 GENEROUS SERVING

MIDNIGHT PASTA.

Dinner for one. Opinions for several.

“Stir like you’re casting a love spell. Add herbs if you’re feeling emotionally available.”

ASSEMBLE YOUR ALIBI.

Tap ingredients as you find them.

DO WHAT THE MAN SAYS.

  1. Boil the spaghetti in salted water until just shy of al dente. Read the packet. It has been preparing for this moment.
  2. While it cooks, warm the olive oil in a wide pan over medium-low heat. Add garlic and pepper flakes. Cook gently until fragrant and pale gold, about 1–2 minutes. Brown garlic is bitter. We already have a chef for that.
  3. Reserve a mug of pasta water, then drain. Add pasta to the garlic pan with a splash of the reserved water. Toss over medium heat until glossy, adding more water a little at a time.
  4. Take the pan off the heat. Toss in Parmesan and parsley. Taste before adding more salt. Eat immediately. You have successfully prevented another dinner made entirely of crackers.

Adapted from “What’s a quick pasta I can make?” in the original Snackhole Q&A archive.

QUESTIONS FROM THE ORIGINAL ARCHIVE. HE WAS TRYING TO HAVE A QUIET DAY.

PLEASE
DON’T ASK.

Can I boil pasta in Gatorade?

If you’re infusing noodles with electrolytes, you’ve crossed into a culinary dimension where flavor has been replaced by vibes and violence. That’s not pasta. That’s what astronauts eat after losing a bet. You don’t need hydration fettuccine.

Can I make grilled cheese with no cheese?

No. That’s called toast. What you’ve done is make disappointment with crust. Adding ketchup doesn’t make it better—it just means you’ve given up in technicolor.

Can I cook pasta in a coffee maker?

If you’re out here making noodle tea and calling it dinner, I assume you’re also storing soup in your shoes and referring to your microwave as “the wet oven.” Get a pot.

MORE CHEF, LESS READING YOUR NEXT COURSE: THE SHIRTS